


Healthy Body Image

by Controversial_Ereri



Series: 109.5 Controversial Ereri Radio [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 18+, Body Image, Controversial, Dark Comedy, Dark Humor, Explicit Language, Extremely offensive, Fat Shaming, Judgmental, M/M, Morbidly Obese, NOT A SAFE PLACE, NSFW, Offensive, Other, R Rated language, and needing to gain weight, brief mention of being too thin, fat jokes, obesity, radio show, sensitive topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 23:11:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Controversial_Ereri/pseuds/Controversial_Ereri
Summary: On this episode of Controversial Ereri, the boys discuss obesity.Please read the notes and tags before continuing with this reading.





	Healthy Body Image

**Author's Note:**

> First: I need you to go ahead and read my username. Controversial Ereri.  
> If you are easily offended do not read this shit.  
> Seriously, I'm not kidding.  
> If you're one of those people that go on Tumblr and post all your lovely opinions and are very pro this and pro that… yeah you should really leave right now.  
> This is NOT a safe space.  
> You've been warned.

“So, I'm on the subway this morning; browsing through Reddit-”

 “-Anything good?” Eren asked, always curious of whatever Levi did on his phone when he wasn't around.

 He shrugged, “It was a thread for stories from doctors about anti vaxxers. But that's not what I want to dive into today.”

 Eren propped his elbows up onto to table, his fingers lacing together before resting his chin on them, “And what do we want to talk about today?”

 “Fat people,” Levi said clear as day, his voice annoyed and dangerous.

 Eren learned further into his hands, gazing across the table at his co-host, “Fat people?”

 “Fat people,” Levi confirmed. “This bitch on the subway started bitching about how I didn't step out of the damn car so she could get past me.”

 Eren giggled, “Why didn't you just move out of the way like a decent human being?”

 “ _Excuse me_ ,” Levi hissed, still pissed from the event that had happened hours ago. “This woman was _easily_ over three hundred pounds and could barely fit through the door as it was. It's not my damn fault she couldn't fit her way through a crowd”

 “Well,” Eren shrugged. “You have to tell us what she said.” He paused, a playful smile quick to appear before his next words, “And what _you_ said in return.”

 “I shuffled out of her way, okay? Really that's all I needed to do because any other _regular_ sized human would have been able to fit through like a goddamn hot dog being thrown down a hallway. But not this bitch, oh no. She fucking passes me like she's the Incredible Hulk.. if the Hulk ate McDonald's ten times a day-”

 “-You love McDonald's.”

 “Yes I fucking love McDonald's,” Levi glared at Eren's teasing smile. “But that's besides the point. I can afford to eat McDonald's because I actually take care of myself.”

 “I'd love a sausage egg McMuffin right about now…,” Eren glanced over to one of the booths where Armin sat. There was only a window between them but it was enough to remind Eren and Levi that he was there and paying attention to every word they said. They've only been shut off the air once, when Eren insisted that he could receive a blowjob without moaning. Spoiler alert, he couldn't.  

“Armin,” Levi waved to the blonde in his booth. “Send a temp to get us two sausage egg McMuffins and hasbrows.”

“And coffee,” Eren added.

“And coffee.”

“You guys do realize you're advertising for McDonald's right now, right?” Armin said with his brows raised.

Levi looked down into his lap, playing with his finger nails, “Maybe it'll help stop fatasses from going there for lunch. That way our temp won't be crushed by a water buffalo.”

Eren's jaw dropped, the brunette letting out an, ‘ohhhohhhhh’ at Levi's bluntness, before covering his mouth and giggling.

"You're such a pig,” Armin joked over his microphone, his eyes rolling at the two grinning idiots.

“And you love me for it, you really do,” Levi grinned back at the producer.

“Just get back to your damn story, Levi.”

Levi glanced over to Eren, his brow pointed down in confusion, “Where was I?”

“McDonald's eating Hulk bitch,” Eren answered, completely at ease for such a rude statement.

“Right, this bitch squeezes by me, shoving me into the wall in the process,” He shook his head as he spoke. “I swear to fuck all, Eren, there was a good  four to five feet behind me where she could have walked, but no, she had to ram her fucking bingo wings into me instead.”

“What in the _hell_ are _'bingo wings’_?” Eren asked.

“It's like when you go to bingo night with your grandma, and when she wins she _jumps_ out of her seat all excited, her fat flabby underarms bouncing through the air as she waves her ticket proving she's won. Like the goddamn school teacher in Monkeybone.”

“Levi, that's fucking disgusting,” Armin whispered in horror.

Eren snuck a look over to Armin, “What the fuck is Monkeybone?”

Levi ignored them both, “The woman that fucking flopped those things in my damn face like she was trying to take flight. Just thinking about it makes me want to go to the gym…”

“Keep going,” Eren urged. “Gym later. I'll spot you.”

Levi's frown broke, a smile cracking through before he winked at Eren and continued, “She manages to get to the door, her steps literally shaking the car with how god damn heavy she is. Then, she has the gall to look back at me and say, 'you should have stepped off to make room for me’ all under her breath and shit, glaring at me like _I'm_ the one that stuffed her full of fat and sugar her entire life.”

“That's rude as fuck,” Eren said and pressed his lips together. “You could have not moved at all and forced her to stay on the subway.”

“Exactly!” Levi shouted, his hands quickly clapping together. “So, I tell this bitch, 'listen, it's not _my_ problem you're too fucking fat to be able to walk around without running into people. Stop being so huffy that you got off the train five seconds slower than you would have if I had moved fully out of your way. McDonald's is still waiting for you downstairs, it's not going anywhere. So, shut your fat fucking face, go order your fucking breakfast, and choke on it.’”

"You did _not_ say that!” Eren's eyes were huge with shock, “I wish I could talk to people like that.”

Levi shrugged, “It's a blessing and a curse.”

“What happened next?”

“The doors shut right in her face before she could say anything back,” Levi chuckled. “I just smiled at her red face, looking like she was about to explode as the train rode away.” 

“You're lucky you didn't get slapped,” Armin mumbled through his headset.

“Not like it would have hurt,” Levi rolled his eyes. “The only way that fatass could have hurt me was if we were fighting over the last piece of KFC chicken.” He paused, the imagery taking life in his mind. “Honestly, she might win in that case. Lay down on top of me until I couldn't breathe anymore.”

“She couldn't have seriously been that big,” Eren added, shaking his head.

“I don't think you understand how big and disgusting this bitch was. She was wearing a purple dress-”

“No way!” Eren cut in. “A fucking muumuu?”

“And now it's my turn to ask what the fuck something is,” Levi said and stared at Eren.

“It's like a giant dress,” Eren laughed, barely able to say the words as they came to him. “It's for morbidly obese people because they can't find any other clothes that fit.”

“Oh holy shit that's hilarious,” Levi whispered, happy to have learned a new word. “That's exactly what it was, it looked like a fucking king sized bed sheet.”

“How the hell do people get that big!” Eren blurted out. “Seriously! How can you let yourself get that fucking fat?”

“Eat and don't fucking stop,” Levi offered. “I get being a little bit overweight, whatever, as long as you're being healthy… but to be a giant among men, to not be able to bend over and tie your shoes, to get winded just from walking?” Levi paused and sighed, “You can't fucking do that to yourself man.”

“My uncle was like that,” Armin added. “Ate his way to the grave before I was even born.”

“And you see, that's just sad,” Levi leaned back in his seat. “Like it's an legitimate problem, heart disease is _the_ leading cause of death. Sure, it can run in your family or you have some kind of natural health issues, yada yada yada” Levi said and waved his hand in the air. “But the main cause is fucking fat buildup in your heart.”

“And it's bullshit to try and say you can't lose weight,” Levi continued. “Just stop fucking eating so much. Go for a walk, do some push-ups, fucking _anything_ to take care of yourself.”

“You've only got one life to live, people,” Eren leaned up to speak into his microphone. “Don't waste it filling yourself with food that tastes good.”

“And for those of you who say you can't _gain_ weight..” Levi began and took a quick peek at Armin who was already shaking his head. “Fucking _eat.”_

“Having a fast metabolism is a fucking myth,” Eren said slowly. “You can find all kinds of reports on it, but people still believe it. You're just not eating enough, dude. Look up some articles on bulking, it's what I had to do when I started working out with Levi.”

“You mean when you were trying to impress me,” Levi smirked at his co-host.

“Shut up.”  
  
“You guys wanna wrap this up before the break?” Armin asked, cutting into their talk before Levi would start trying to make Eren blush.  
  
Eren huffed and stuck his tongue out at Armin, the brunette having nothing more to say and already removing his headset.  
  
“This was an intense episode,” Levi began, his eyes trailing after Eren as he left the room the closed the door carefully behind him. “I don’t mean to completely bash on fat people. But please, for the love of fuck, start taking care of yourself. Fat acceptance is digging your own grave. You can’t sit there and say your huge body is beautiful.” He paused, “Sure, you may be a beautiful person, but the way you got there wasn’t healthy.”  
  
Levi stood up and took his headset off, “Take care of yourself out there. Don’t die for cake.”  

**Author's Note:**

> [Monkeybone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzOP-QptSxA)  
> And somehow I wonder where my terrible sense of humor came from. NSFW..


End file.
